C'est La Vie, PFH DJ

It really surprises me that I haven't written anything in my blog for 6 months in a row. Have I been really busy? I dunno.

 

This half year has been quite fruitful though, in terms of work. I've been really into this business lately, since I guess I can handle it quite well. I'm not saying I have done a good job, but the more you do, the better you perform. Seemly, practice makes perfect.

 

But, do I really love my job? The paycheck is still looking bad. All the commitment and promise from management team have gone to nowhere, which didn't surprise me btw. After all, IT is all about bluffing and over commitment. Maybe, other industries are pretty much the same.

 

Well, maybe my managers noticed that so they don't chase me too much anymore. I'm not sure it's a good thing or not, but it did calm me down. However, I won't let it last long anyways, cos I'm supposed to be responsible for my own life.

 

I did sit donw and read, which surprised me. I thought I couldn't for ever. However, I made it, even though not much.

 

Thus, as what I have been for long, I'll keep it up for a while, and give my best shot whenever necessary.

 

I guess that's what life is all about.

 

(p.s, I heard a conclusion from a TV show that is quite interesting: When you are not ready, the better one is always yet to come; when you are ready, the best is already happening. )

 满城尽待年终奖，弄弄才是喇叭腔                                            
                                                                           
 春天我把老公种下去 ,秋天我就有很多个老公了                                
                                                                           
 日照香炉生紫烟,疑是熊猫在烧香~                                            
                                                                           
 我依旧站在这古老的战场上 ,糊了一把乱风向.                                 
                                                                           
 我假装认真地工作, 老板假装认真地付薪水                                    
                                                                           
 每天早上起床都要看一遍《福布斯》富翁排行榜，如果上面没有我的名字，我就去上
 班……                                                                      
                                                                           
 我希望有一天我能用鼠标双击我的钱包，然后选中一张 100元，按住“Ctrl+C” 接着 
 不停地“Ctrl+V”呀                                                          
                                                                           
 一山不能容二虎,除非一公和一母!                                            
                                                                           
 读10年语文， 不如聊半年QQ                                                 
                                                                           
 拍脑袋决策，拍胸脯保证，拍屁股走人                                        
                                                                           
 我一个不久前结婚的男同学叫 --------- 常在厨房混，那能不切手               
                                                                           
 钻石恒久远，一颗就破产 ~~!!                                               
                                                                           
 学问之美，在于使人一头雾水；诗歌之美，在于煽动男女出 轨；女人之美，在于蠢 
 得无怨无悔；男人之美，在于说谎说得白日见鬼                                
                                                                           
 长个包子样就别怨狗跟着                                                    
                                                                           
 水能载舟，亦能煮粥！                                                      
                                                                           
 时间和乳沟一样，挤一挤还是有的。                                          
                                                                           
 男人感叹女人：漂亮的不会下廚房，能下廚房的不溫柔，溫 柔的沒主見，有主見的 
 沒女人味，有女人味的亂花錢，不亂花錢的不時尚，時尚的不放心，放心的沒法看！
                                                                           
                                                                           
 我和刘翔都是上海的代表，刘翔代表速度，我代表港度 (哈哈，这个搞笑)         
                                                                           
 水至清则无鱼,人至贱则无敌                                                 
                                                                           
 我不是你想象中的那样完美那样坚强，金钱和美女就足以把我征服！              
                                                                           
 见到我以后你会突然发现—— 原来帅也可以 这样具体呀~                         
                                                                           
 为中华而 努力读书！一包中华好多钱啊~~~                                    
                                                                           
 床前明月光，低头吃便当！！                                                
                                                                           
 不怕虎一样的敌人，就怕猪一样的队友 !                                      
                                                                           
 生活就象拉屎，往往很努力了，可放出来的只是个屁                            
                                                                           
 没有医保和寿险的，天黑后不要见义勇为……                                    
                                                                           
 上帝欲使人灭亡，必先使其疯狂；上帝欲使人疯狂，必先使其买房。。            
 #·$!!…%~*^@&~ 结论是：现在不能买房！    

It's really been a while that I haven't updated anything into blog, and this one is the one that a whole bunch of people wrote years ago, requested by a old friend for the Feb-14. For those who have read before, pls ignore.

 

我有一个好朋友告诉我，男人不可以把自己寄托在感情上：她是站在一个女人的角度上这样说的。

 

现在想想，我宁可像你们一样幸福的厮守在一起，哪怕只是在一个small town,我都不想要那些所谓的“方向”。其实人一旦心态老了，想法真的不同了，相比之下她比我年轻了许多，似乎还有很多梦等着她的实现，殊不知都是噩梦家永远不能实现的幻想，最真实的早已经在身边了。
 
有时候，女人就是蠢。人说傻比（为什么不说傻吊）是有道理的。
 
（声明：心情不好胡乱说话，绝对没有中伤女性的意思，只不过是针对女人普遍存在唯感觉至尊的性征表达歧视，这也是女人终究没法征服世界的原因，好不容易打下来的江山，一句话：不玩了，就不要了。去寻找什么傻比感觉去了)

女人有时就是这样的，说教不能代替体验，她自己有一天会后悔的！身为男人，要搞清楚自己的当务之急是什么，这样才能对得起自己，对得起爹妈~

女性比男性更晚进入现实，她们更长时间里活在幻想中。不过反过来说，如果站在客观的角度来说，如果世界上所有人都那么理性，那还有什么意思？关键是要让那个她“感觉”到你就是她要找的。。。

男人为什么变坏？其实很大程度上就是因为女人。年轻的充满幻想的女人离开了这个为了她不惜一些努力奋斗努力爱她的男人，去寻找他妈的什么感觉去了，那个感觉在哪里呢？80%的情况在一些“老男人”（绝对不是说年龄老，你说大款也好，事业有成也好，给人成熟依靠也好，和年龄无关。）的身上实现了。这些老男人真的那么爱这个年轻的女人吗？往往不是，他们寻求的也就是那种被承认感。原因是什么呢？只要看看那个被人抛弃的男人后来的生活就知道了。

那个男人经历了痛苦之后就说了一句话：“我他妈的活出个人样来，总有一天让你为你他妈的感觉后悔。”终于，男孩成了男人了，成功了，成就了，成熟了。一大队像当年那个离他而去的女孩那样的女孩开始也围在他的周围了。他也开始像报复一样的追求那种被认同感，因为这是一种曾经他不拥有的而被人侮辱的，现在他要好好享受这个感觉。而他这些感觉是谁给的呢，就是那些女孩子们，那些女孩的们的男朋友呢？呵呵，大家已经看出这个循环的可怕性了吧。最可怕的是这个世界已经是这样了，而且越来越严重了。

那原来那个女人呢？后悔了吗？显然的，试了这么多的“老男人”之后发现，那些感觉也就是很快就没有了，其实和原来刚认识他的时候没什么不同。但是女人不会承认自己后悔的，就算承认了也不会回头的，就算回头，不好意思啦，感觉会不去的啦。和你那个老男人凑合过一辈子吧。我现在很忙得，你看看这么多女人，挑不过来呀。

可悲吗？不可悲，女人做的恶，红颜祸水就是这么来的。男人没错吗？也有！介于现在本次事件是有女性的问题发起，我们暂不讨论男性在感情上的本性的过失

现在知道男人的当务之急了？就是成长，成熟，成就！好去报复，或者就是说被逼着去报复，或者说为了保护自己不再被同样的事情伤害，让自己有事业作为坚强的后盾，这样不怕被女人欺负，心里有底了。
 
不好意思，把这么多大家潜意识里面的可怕的自己都不敢去想的念头都说出来了。现在是不是觉得人性很恶，可惜没有办法，男女之间就是在这样相互伤害着，相互逼着变坏。

唯一让这个世界还有光明面的就是爱情和责任，但年轻的人们有几个能承担起爱情的责任的？
 
不爽了？分！没感觉了？分！
 
然后老了回忆起来还说，哎，没办法，那时候年轻，不懂得负责任，其实原来也挺好的，坚持下来维护好爱情的话应该也是不错的。
 
holy bullshit！我们在年轻，其实这个道理也懂，为什么明知道道理还要照着错误的感觉走，明知道这个portfolio是肯定亏钱的还去投资？我还能说什么？这和成熟无关，这就是无理取闹，fucking ridiculous. fucking nuts.
 
男人也不是什么好东西，但在这个问题上，没有女人蠢

你有没有想过这样一个问题：其实在恋爱之初，对对方的感觉就是觉得他就是你要找的MR.RIGHT?是的，但是后来呢？没这样的感觉了，所以在找一个，发现其实是一个我们自己找就知道的规律：激情退却，爱情归于平淡。不管你找谁，最终都会出现那样的感觉：对方不是你要找的那个人。

问题很明显了，不是出在对象上，是出在自己身上。

可是我提醒大家一个问题，一个很可怕的问题：不管是男是女，不管中国外国，大家其实最终都不希望和一个有很多很多过去很多很多故事的人结合，为什么？除了所谓的处女情节之外（这个可能随着社会的进步已经越来越被人无奈的放弃了），更重要的是大家在经历了这些事情之后在潜意识里都有这样的认识：真爱只有一次，经历过了，后面再来的人不管有多好，最终都不可能有那一次真爱的感觉了。好的，这就说明了这个可怕的问题，一旦这次真爱结束了，你再次去找到你生命中所谓的真爱了几率就更小了，因为上述的规律，你自己主观上做不到那样的付出了。 换言之，女人们放弃了真爱，去寻找她们所谓的真爱，而其实一旦放弃了真爱就不知道如何去真爱了，也就是说根本不可能找到真爱了，可怕吗？自找的

男人要想活出个样来，就得不为女人所累
 
古人的话，原来我是不信的，现在我才知道那些都是金玉良言。那些被人判了死刑的感情你如果放弃一切去争取，那么到头来你还是会被人一脚踢开，因为为了争取，你根本已经一无所有：那样她也没有依靠，你自己也没有依靠，所谓未来更是没有依靠。所以还是白搭~
 
就像有人经常说的一个很俗的故事，那个叫至尊宝的傻B小混混完全可以不去戴那个头箍，即所谓放弃西天取经事业和那个仙女长相厮守，可是仙女会去做一个村妇吗？或者说会甘心一直做一个村妇吗？答案是否定。于是离开回来，到之前的那一刻，不管戴也好，不戴也好，结局必然都是失去，无非两条不同的路径而已。因此还不如戴了算了，离开成为一个英雄，或者继续做傻B直到被人蹬掉：
 
你愿意做哪一种？？呵呵
 
女人的心里少一些心火，世上的事情就会简单许多

女人的心火会少的，只要一旦经历了，自己就少下来了。但可惜，一切都晚了，对他们来说是所谓的重生，对我们，或者说这个段感情来说，结尾了。
 
六月雪，冤为这段情。人可以成长，可以变化，但那是后话，谁为这段情可惜，为这段情叫冤？一个有了四年的生命的东西你现在要掐死她，女人是不是狠了点？
 
原来最毒妇人心是这么来的

为了自己的感觉，为了自己的生活，甚至不要脸把自己曾有的爱称作是没有了感觉，不再爱了。其实谁不知道呢？无非是自私
 
但是你没有权力指责，你指责了也没有用，他们只会用一句话堵你的嘴：其实我还是爱你的，其实他也没你好，我作出这样的决定也是考虑了很久的，很不情愿的！
 
呵呵，可笑。不情愿还是要做

而且最好笑的是，这件事之后我和很多很多男人女人探讨，发现现在的社会变了，负心的男人不见了，我看到的和即将发生的，怎么全他妈的是女人离开男人？以前看到别人这样，觉得他们的爱情很不坚固，看看自己多牛比，我们四年了，他们的问题在我们这里都不是问题。呵呵，可惜其实我没有比别人运气好多少，人家的问题在我在里一样也是问题。为什么，整个社会都这样了，你还逃得了吗

很可惜的是，我们其实一直都是站在女人的角度上考虑的，你所说得都没有错，我们也从来没有说过这个女人的错，我们说的是这是社会造成的，存在即合理，没有人说这是错的，我们一直在说的是这样做对爱情，对另一方是不公平的，不是错。
 
我们更没有说我们是单方面的努力，没有回报，其实正相反，正是因为对方曾经也深深的爱过，现在去翻脸不认人说以前的爱都不是爱，是错觉，whatever, 这不是不要脸是什么？过去相爱的时候所说的话现在都不认了？还要脸吗？shit from the mouth?
 
受过感情的挫折不是玩世的借口，这话说得好，这就是告诉我们其实应该成熟，在承认了现在大部分男人再受了女人的欺负之后开始报复本质上讲是不对的事情，也是社会的阴暗，我们要是真的成熟起来就不应该这么做。不能因为女人逼我们，我们就学坏。她们对感情不负责任了，我们不能学她们，不然社会就真的没有救了，不然以后大家就真的只能说：“这个世界没有爱情了，我不相信爱情了”之类的。
 
“她们总是希望在半老徐娘之前再看一看，再等一等，希望自己的人生里出现一个奇迹。”这话说得太好了。想想男人呢？如果他们也这样的话，好玩吗？哈哈

如果女人都这么想，而且男人也都知道女人这么想，那么谁还会在感情生活中付出全部？因为大家都知道对方想的是下一个，谁还会真爱？那么现在手头这个就永远不可能是真爱！
 
双方都抱有这样的想法，爱情还是爱情吗？
 
所以自己想做什么的时候，想想对方会不会也这样做，想想对方知不知道你想这样做。如果大家都明白，我看也没有必要恋爱了，直接找下一个吧而这样的循环下去就是必然找不到所谓的真爱，女人们呀，醒醒吧。
 
你们所谓的理由根本不成理由，因为按照你们的理由做下去，只有死路一条，完全没有活路。因为你们所算计的东西就两样：一样是青春保险，一样是真正的爱情。按照你们的思路走下去不可能同时满足两样。而相反如果有同时满足这两样的可能的话，就是现在

“缺乏足够的数据支持，不一定具有显著性：）”
 
研究社会学的时候，只要样本30以上就可以用Z检验和T检验，如果总体是正态分布，那么连30都不要~这个我想科比是专家，比我们都清楚~
 
而且以我的经历，我认识的人中间，只有一个女生可以悬崖勒马，你可以说我接触的样本太小，我也可以说我作为观察者的视野也太小，所以即便结论不可证实，亦不可证伪。当然科比也可以用他的经历和结论给我提供一个OUT OF SAMPLE的支持，来解决这个潜在的DATA MINING的缺陷。
 
As for the feeling of myself, due to the loss of objectivity, I think it cannot be used as the support for this issue. 
 
HOWEVR，实话实说，以前的我会有分不清楚轻重缓急的时候，会一由对方的任性牵着自己生活失控；现在，我在这方面改观了很多，不会再以 对方这样一个个体为自己生活的中心，而是以我们两个这样一个整体为自己生活的中心。
 
如果你认为“成全对方的自私”should also be involved in 所谓“彻头彻尾的真爱”，那么我可以告诉你，以这样一种标准，已经不纯粹了。
 
至于想和做的问题，呵呵，那些是后验的东西，只能后知后觉，只能用来做审判，不能用来做预期。Incentive是很危险的东西，大家想来都知道吧：）
 
最后找一个名人名言做结语：
 
堂吉诃德在主持婚礼的时候说：新郎啊，当你把婚戒戴在新娘的手指，你就要记得，你的新娘是普天下于你独一无二的最美的女子，你永远要觉得她最漂亮，无论她老去与否。
 
大家共勉，凡事问心无愧即可.

我以为我的故事是个终结，看来我看高了自己，世界还在转，我的爱情没有了，不可能给所有的爱情以警示，也不可能终于任何悲剧的发生和即将发生。

过了这么久，有时候晚上还会心痛，爱情的伤害，威力无边，以至于“后来”我“爱”着，不知道是不是faking，但有一点可以肯定：拒绝伤害。

偶尔，我也会想，到底为了什么，想完了individual,就开始想bigger pic.才发现，身边的一切都在重演，或即将重演。我不喜欢危言耸听，也不喜欢给别人泼冷水，我总是说：all the best，但是却发现，好无力。reality hits, all the time.

以前把女人整个群体分析个透，得出twenty something的女人的“心火”是如此茁壮；也认同了男人普遍存在的不哺乳类动物的侵占性；并期望大家把自己变成“幸运的少数派”。

事实证明“少数派”还真的是有，虽然少了点，但我们身边就有。可是为什么总是不见到“少数派南生和少数派女生”结合呢，也许这就是我们说的缘分吧。

那就说说社会吧。还是老话题，现在的社会为什么会变成大家逼着对方学坏呢。一个好男人爱上一个有心火的女人，为了她拼搏，为了她妥协，但是她一个梦想打破了这一切；客观点，men do the same thing。

我只是想让大家想想这个故事之后发生的事情。如果是你身边的人对你做了这样的事情，你会如何？其实也简单，下次再恋爱的时候你会以什么样的态度来对待。你还敢“真心绝对”吗？所以我也诅咒那些有走的打算的人，你的爱情不得好死。其实诅咒不过是个笑话，现实会告诉你其实那些“对得起自己”的决定正式毁掉自己爱情观的刽子手。

我和校友说：“在上海，在中国，每个人都面临三个条件：第一、信息高度透明，每个人在选择爱人的时候他的价码都是可以大致估算的；第二、市场充分竞争，放弃一方其实随时都会有其他的option补上；第三、存在大规模的投机机会，看看那些在“感情上”暴富的人们，一瞬间找到自己所谓理想的，大款也好，外国人也好，帅哥也好。

所以很明朗，这个社会高速的运转，让每个人都有、或者说都让他们觉得自己有这样的条件，而且光鲜的故事总是挂在最外面，使很多人对繁茂的市场充满了幻想，每个投资者都是overconfident，都会对自己现有的portfolio存在着随时rebalance的overreact。

对未来有信心是这个社会进步的根本，但是繁茂的市场不断让大家忘记了什么叫做风险规避，更让人类(Chinese in particular)失去了最起码的一些道德规范，利益的驱动，别说道德，法律都可以践踏，现在谁还能记得马列主义在生活中的启示意义。

更可怕的是，当人们在特定的人生阶段寻求最快速的人生需求满足的时候，悄悄地毁掉了自己。看看那些相濡以沫的老夫妇，相依偎着看斜阳的时候，你会不会想起你年轻的时候做过的那些丑事，那些你对不起过的人。终有一天我们才能明白，原来在伤害别人的时候，其实受伤最重的不是对方，而是自己，只不过当时看不到，只有在“后来”才能明白。然而，一切都晚了。

我为什么想要总有一天离开这里，离开这个高速发展的地方，原因就是我不希望自己变成一个那样的人，technically不能算是一个人，而是一个追逐自我利益最大化的portfolio，我是人，不想做一个为自己的tool；我之所以不希望做这样的tool.是因为我曾经是这样的。写到这里我才明白，原来以上说的都是屁话，每个人都要经历才能明白，或者说才甘心明白。

虽然我不想对世界说我已经不再相信爱了，但是我不得不承认，在以往的相互伤害中，我毁了自己。对于那些接下来要走我的路的人，一路好走

I'm not really sure about what kind of person I am. It's been a while. Initially, I was just chasing dates, heart beating, chemistry and happiness, while not relationship. However, it doesn't really go as I wish. From time to time, I fall in love. And then, come accross someone. Cheating or tired. Then I realize I'm the bad guy, who could not make a commitment at all, ever. Consequently, heartbreaking.

 

Funny, ain't it? A bad guy like me is not supposed to feel heartbreaking in this scenario, cos it's more like I planned it. Actually not. I wasn't really planning anything. I always go with my feelings. Step by step, not thinking too much. However, as it goes, I reallize that I can't just go like that, since it's sort of too late. The bright side is, it's not like too late as merried-already late. I hate gals' saying, u are the bad guy, heartbreakingly, which breaks my heart as well.

 

Back to this case, she's probably the finest, considerate, thoughtful, innocent, cutest and funny gal I've ever met. She follows my step closely, even though, I know, it's pretty hard. How could following an asshole be easy anyway? She's never thought about herself. What she is thinking, is all about me, which seriously wakes me up. It's not right for her. She deserves the best guy ever, generous, gentle, smart and funny, who treasures her in his whole life. She came to a bad guy. That's not her fault. But if the bad guy doesn't tell the truth, that's his fault. Yup, that's me, the bad guy.

 

I really don't wanna be a biatch like that, lying. Lying is different with cheating. Pretending to be a nice guy is like the worst, helpless, miserable and pathetic. I'm not a nice guy, even though I am not that bad either.

 

That's why I keep saying it's not the first time I do this. It's also not the first I feel my heart broken simply because I hurt her. I understand, everytime u hurt someone, it hurts you at the same time.

 

I've been telling myself not to involve this kind thing no more. However, it just keeps happening. I am such a loser. All the time. And the bad guy, who always hurt the nice gals. Maybe I really don't deserve happiness in my whole life. I deserve this punishment.

 

Well, what can I say? Maybe I should really think about marry my job. At least, in that case, no one gets hurt. Also, I can be the bad guy without making anyone to break their hearts, including me.

 

Yup, that's me, the bad guy, desperate for directive.

It's nice  to see friend visit back to SH from UK. He kinda took us back to UK, the live of which we used to be familiar with. Drink is a must. Parties are abso-fucking-lutely necessary. Gals? Good luck, dudes.

It's good to be Singapore eventually. Heard a lot of this city (or country) before.

 

The first impression of this town is far too organized. I used to believe Shanghai is quite diferent with other cities of China and more international. Thus, it's probably the most organized city in China. However, compared with Singapore, it looks like a mess.

 

BTW, when I flied back from Singapore to China, I found that the cloud is so clear in the sky of Singapore while that of China is pretty much like yellow. The airpollution is heavy here. We'd better do some for the coming generation.

To much traveling lately. 3 days in Zhuhai, 2 days in NJ, maybe in BJ next week, and will be in Singapore after that.

 

It feels so good back 2 NJ. Met a couple of friends, a lot of stuff to catch up. Indeedy happy to see them hanging well. I went back 2 NJU, hanging out in basketball court down the dorm where I used to live. Saw some new players showed their moves, which I was familiar with, while I'm not in the court anymore. Took some pix of the buildings, folks, and views. I spent the 2 years in that area,2 interesting years. I did a lot, good and bad, whatever it was, I enjoyed it. Full of memories about those things, which will never come back anyway. So, good stuff.

 

Dinner with X-school mates. Drank a lot, but all good. And so many stories that I wasn't really aware of. Fun stuff, good 2 know.

 

Bring it on, back 2 Scarlet, that where I was. It's not what it was, but it feels good to be there. Seriously, too much memory about that place. That's home.

 

New fellows, old pals. All good. I can't stop thinking about those beautiful days with her. That's true. But that isn't it. A lot more than that. Since it was beautiful, let it be beautiful, in mind. So all good. BTW, heard she got married. Congrats! But! I've never got any belief in marriage. People around me keep complaining about marriage all the time. Obviously, it's joke for people who are not mature enough to get married. It's definitely not just like we love each other and want to stick with each other and so we get married. Love ain't enough to convince marriage. It's all about responsibility, especially with emphasis on I-wanna-do-good-to-him/her. That's the key of marriage, not I-wanna-stay-with-him/her. Plus, marriage ain't endpoint. Ironically, the startpoint. Thus, let's see.

Happy V-day to u all, including myself.

 

Physically, I haven't really gone through V-day for several years. Mentally, well, last two were dramatically torturing. This year, it's apparently sweet. Hopefully it will last, while I am not sure though.

 

Let's see. God bless me

Common Sunday, nothing special. But, it's beautiful just because it's simple.

 

Everything is as simple and common as usual. With her, everything seems sweet though. House cleaning seems more fun. I played as a key player on the basketball court. Chinese food can't taste more yummy. Even poker smells sweetly.

 

I feel a bit sad, not because she didn't offer the answer, but I my reaction upset her, which really made me guilty. I just wanna her happy, no matter what I do. Making her happy makes me happy.